Turning 30...

I told myself that it wasn't going to be hard turning 30. Everyone does it. It is just an age. And age is nothing but a number. A state of mind. That I wasn't going to let it get to me. That I didn't need people to celebrate me. That I could celebrate me. That the messages on Facebook would be enough, because hey, that obviously meant I had a ton of "friends." That people cared. That I wasn't forgotten. That if people didn't call it didn't mean that I was loved any less. That just because I didn't have a huge party or a birthday meal like I used to it didn't mean I was any less special. That just because I got a single card in the mail, that I just managed to open today (almost 20 days after my birthday) because I couldn't bare to open any sooner it doesn't mean people forgot me. It just means, that people don't really celebrate you that older you get... I honestly think this is all the stuff that has made turning 30 so hard. I wanted to feel special on my special day. Kinda like I did when I turned 15. I wanted to feel surrounded by those that truly loved me, but more because I am married now and have a daughter and more "friends." Instead, looking back on that day tears still come to my eyes and I feel empty inside. In fact, if I could fast forward past my birthday every year I would... who needs a special day to celebrate themselves. Oh yeah, Paris Hilton.